Debspeacework’s Blog

I believe in the power of the laws of attraction.  I believe it because I have seen it work and will again soon.

I started working on my business plan a few months ago and have had nothing but trouble writing it.  I need to have one completed to graduate and take the certification class for life coaching.  I want it, I believe I can be a great coach, but couldn’t write the plan.

Ever been there?

Now I have a dream.  The Metamorphysis Center for women.  I can see it in my dreams, the layout and guess what?  When I began conceptionalizing the business plan for this, it flowed like nothing I have ever written before.

Now I know I am where I need to be.  Pointed in the way that I need to aim toward. 

Tonight I am going to complete my dream board.  I am excited.  I will write again soon and post a picture of my completed project board.

Congrats ME!

Have you ever noticed that when you make a decision, everyone has an opinion that makes you question your goal–or at least that is part of their reason to spout.

My “questioner” right now is my son.  The great, ripe age of 13, know it all and tryer of my patience.  Today he is in trouble, not big trouble.  He didn’t rob a store, hit a friend, cuss me out,  slap down his niece.  He has just gotten his way for so long that he hates when he can’t get it.  He was a surprise and the family treated him that way.  Including me.  Zach doesn’t want to clean his mess, it’s ok, they grow up so fast that this is the fun part again.  Zach doesn’t like what I cooked for supper, that is ok, I’ll make him some chicken nuggets–afterall, my dad always made me clean my plate and I hated it. The list goes on and on.

Today his sister took him shopping, not for mother’s day or anything, but for the theatre.  I am ok with that.  But, he only wanted to go because I made him sweep the kitchen floor for being mouthy.  He was mouthy afteerwards but I let him go–I needed a time out.

Just when I am trying to work out issues, another pops up.

Why or why does it always have to happen!

Mine is big, real big.  I open wide all of the time and bite off more than I can chew.

Right now my mouth is full of:

1. parenting–got a 13 year old that is getting mouthy on MySpace and not realizing the consequences.
2. daughtering–my mom needs me more and I don’t have more to give.
3. employeeing–end of the month stuff; I have about 8 potential volunteers that need interviews; a fundraiser the end of the month that is growing faster than I can imagine and a desk that is swimming in all these projects.
4. life coaching–I ran an ad last month and got alot of responses–now I do not have the time to schedule the group and get it started.

What to do, what to do?  I got it!  Tonight I am going to sleep and let the stuff slide for now.  Hopefully night will be restful and tomorrow will be bright and new.

I started this process to “come clean” about all the things I keep avoiding.  I have done fairly well–told my weight, said I have problems with organization and that I would list my budget.  Well, I can’t.  I cannot put it out there yet, because, after I wrote it all down, I realized how bad it truly was!   

I am avoiding the entire process for this evening and realize that MAYbe this can be put on hold if I make a promise to do three positive things this evening for my budget–cancel something, get my daughter to close the joint account we have and pay my bills that I have the money for.  These I can do. 

On to tomorrow!

Have you had one of those days when you are tired, tired to the bone and tired of being tired?  Well, that is me today.  If I had a big enough office, I would be laying on my floor, stretched out snoring like a baby.  But, I don’t have that kind of office or that kind of time to do that napping!  Boo!

What I have instead is a desk full of papers that need filed, stacks of projects that need decisions made and others that need completed.  But, here I write.  Why?

Well, I am finding solace in thinking about why I continue to do the same thing over and over and never getting my goals met.  I am tired of tirelessly striving and never graciously accepting success.

How can I change my focus?

One thing is that I need to get my budget under control. How did it get this bad?  It seems like overnight it went from something of concern to something of alarm.  The bells and sirens are raging, what do I do now?

Tomorrow Iwill post the balances on my credit lines.  Perhaps when the numbers are all known, I wll quit hiding.  Same as the weight.  I have done better making better food choices today, maybe money choices will be my next best starting success.

Onto tomorrow.  I need sleep!

It is just the beginning of this journey and I am excited.  Today, after dealing with some impending drama at the office, I dealt with it in a up front manner.  I know that I was direct and some of these issues are not my problem to carry.  I gave my take on the issue and told her I understood that she may make a decision I disagree with, but it is her decision and I wanted her to have all the information.  It felt good to get out of the gossip mode that often follows us through life. 

So, onto my mission of ME! 

I want to do my hardest confession today.  My weight.  Isn’t it sad the energy that is put towards avoiding what we are?  My hiding the number doesn’t change it.  My ignoring isn’t doesn’t make it go away–if fact often times it gets bigger because I am like “la, la, la, la, la, everything is fine”, when it is not!

Okay the number–225.  It is out there and if this blog is followed, people will see it.  DO I honestly believe that there is someone that is saying, “no, I thought she was only 110!  She hides it so well!”  I was only hiding it from myself.

Today, I have ate great.  Fruit, cereal bar, a small 100 calorie pack.  I have drank 16 oz. of water and taken all my meds. 

I am free of the number and dealing with the reality of dealing and working on reducing it.

Ahhh!  It is somewhat liberating.

Peace, see you tomorrow.

I am happy to be here–on the blog, and on the earth.  My mom lost a good friend yesterday–one she griped about when she called and one that she now misses since she is gone.  How often is that how we live?  We complain about the winter, until the summer heat arives.  We hate our job until we lose it or change to one we hate more.

Her friend had a lot.  Three husbands–she out lived two and divorced one–vacationed regularly, went to the casinos (and won) every change she got, spent alot of money and bragged alot.  Mom would brag too about the things she had–friends and family close and at pretty much constant availability.  Her friend did not have that.   My mom is feeling really bad because her friend called a few days ago my mom did not call her back and now she can never do it again.

So, who was richer?  I think mom is.  Sure in the terms that we think of in riches—bank accounts, possessions, stocks–her friend had it all.  But in terms of love and intimacy, I believe my mom is the queen. 

I need to make sure I start saying “I love you” more to her and those around me more, give more hugs and listen a little longer.  Turn off the tv more and enjoy a game with my son and granddaughter.  Sit on the front porch and watch nature. 

I have been fighting for more of the friend’s definition of success, more of my dad’s example.

My dad died a few years ago an unhappy man.  His entire life he lived in his big brother’s shadow–he was richer, taller, grandious, a success in every shape of the word.  He had six marriages, yes six, to my dad’s sad one.  He did marry the same woman four times–I guess he could never figure out if he got it right or got it wrong!  My dad worked from before the sun came up to long after it went down chasing the almighty dollar.  Always had a “get rich scheme”, always a new sale to pitch.  He could sit in the front room for hours with the family and NEVER SAY A WORD.  He could work a room for prospects and not see the ones that were right in front of him. 

He gave me some gifts.  He gave me the ability to work long hours and dream of bigger things.  He gave me a love of travel–especially destination travel (I wish I could “just go” and enjoy where I end up).  He gave me the belief that there is a better world just a blink away.

What he didn’t give me was peace–maybe that is why all my electronic addresses have “peace work” attached.  He didn’t give me serenity to just be.  He didn’t give me the belief that I was enough as I am. 

He gave me jealousy–I hate when people get what I want, he gave me a tendency to have Multiple Sclerosis which he struggled with and I have battled for the past decade, he gave me the ability to portray a great silent treatment.  He gave me greed and winning at all cost.

Today I am giving these things away–as much as I am physically able.  I am going to help my son on his school project–pretty soon he will no longer be doing work that I can even understand to help him with, I am going to take a walk, talk to my mom and tell her that I believe, all in all, she by far is in a really good place.  I hope I can help her see that living in regrets will shorten our life.  I am going to pay some bills and then let the money go.  I will not let not having extra money this week be the most important thought in my head.  I will give up the fact that a lot of the time when I think of my mom and dad I am sad–because of the life I thought I should have had and be a little more appreciative of the life they gave me.

I will begin living today.  Perhaps that is the best blog I will ever write.

I am excited to be thinking about this today.  I have been down lately.  I am working too much, living the life I do not enjoy.  Feeling trapped and carrying the weight of the world.  That is old thinking and will get me old!

What I need to confess today–my lack of organization is getting out of control.  What starts as a little pile on the corner of the couch or clothes that I will “put away tomorrow” seems to breed over night and takes over the entire house, car, workspace…

What to do, what to do?

I am going to get the front room done this evening.  Donate 10 things, pack 5 things up to take to Plato’s Closet–one benefit of a teen that grew fast–and list a few things on Bargains in Belleville.  I can use the money, even if it is just a few dollars.

A huge success today is that I marketed my life coaching quite effectively today.  I was at a health fair for work and got to talking with some other social workers that I knew over break.  We stated discussing being overwhelmed and I mentioned the groups and 6, yes SIX, women want to know more about them and when the next one will start. One woman mentioned wanting me to come to her church and do a women’s group.  This will get big, I know it will. 

Another reason to organize!

One other joy, gardening is becoming wonderful.  My son picked lettuce today, bright green, crisp will be wonderful in a salad, and the flowers are growing tall already.  Simple joys are the best.

Hello indeed.  I am taking on a project for me and I am inviting everyone to join me on the journey.  What is it?  It is fittingly call MAYbe I will do it this time:  Change my life in one year.  You see, I am a life coach and social worker that and I am really good at helping other people meet their goals but miss the opportunity to meet my own.  I get so busy in other people’s lives that I get lost in mine.

So, this is the purpose of this blog.  Over the next week I will put out all of my “stuff”:  personal issues I need to work on that I have been (hiding).  Dirty little secrets like my weight problems, budgeting issues, LACK OF ORGANIZATION skills that are hindering my personal success.  I will ask you to join me in my journey to making real life changes.  I will challenge you to change some of your own.  I will request you become a cheerleader not critic and lets help the world be better one person at a time!

Why the name MAYbe?  Well, it is May 1st, May Day, the day when we used to play around a May pole and dance to the incoming growth.  I don’t have a May pole but I do have a computer and this will have to do.  By May 1st, 2010, I will be a different person, with or without this project.  I am choosing to try something different, because doing the same thing sure isn’t working.

Today the one thing I am willing to put out there is that my budget is blown.  The past few years of traveling to Texas for medical and prices going up, up, up while my pay is now actually going down due to insurance rates going up has caught me in a bad situation.  I am finished with my life coaching classes, but now cannot even afford to do the back work to get my business of the ground.  Dang!  Today, I will work on this:  I will request and demand a date when my expense check will be prepared.

Other issues that will be addressed on the weekend:

• Weight
• Organization
• Need to connect to adults
• Time management

Okay here I go.  I am going on a walk so I can think for a few minutes.   Let’s go.